Researchers at the South Texas University of Previously Inconclusive Discoveries have dredged up another winner:
Three out of four scientists now agree that McDonald's McGriddles breakfast sandwich is the unhealthiest foreign body someone can introduce to their bodies. The fourth scientist was unable to be reached for comment as he was currently in the ICU dying of a heart attack from eating too many delicious McGriddles.
The title "unhealthiest foreign body" has previously been applied to both heroin and Paris Hilton.
Not to be outdone, even by themselves, McDonald's released in a press conference today their newest sandwich, the McGlutton: a quarter pound beef patty, sausage, and southern fried chicken, served with lettuce, tomato, pickles, and three slices of melted cheese, sitting between two of their large griddle cakes.
McDonald's honorary, imaginary, company spokesman, Mickey Dee, is believed to have said at the conference, "We were hoping to create a sandwich that would kill you before it even reached your stomach. With over 1500 Calories and large bites, impossible to chew, this monstrosity should stop your heart on its way down your esophagus.
The company, hoping to cash in on the upcoming American election, also unveiled the McRomney chicken sandwich and Obama Mac cheeseburger. The sandwiches are expected to be released in Europe during the next quarter. Unfortunately, due to a lack of foresight or geographical concern, both sandwiches are expected to cost the company millions of dollars in revenue which could have been better used solving the current economic crisis.
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